Returning to your own vomit?

I was listening to a Chris Hand sermon on the way to and from work today and he made reference to "The dog is turned to his own vomit again." from 2 Peter 2:22 (KJV) the full verse being:

"But it is happened unto them according to the true proverb, The dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire."

This is (as I have since discovered) Paul's reference to Proverbs 26:11 (KJV) which reads:

"As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly."

This painted a wonderfully disgusting picture for me. Let me explain.

Since I was converted nearly a year ago I have struggled with varying degree with my propensity to stumble, slip, wander and even at times stride straight back into my sinful ways. Now I'm fully aware of my state as a 'wretched man' and a full blown sinner (who is saved by grace... *here is where you see me grinning ear to ear*). So it doesn't surprise me that I do sin... regularly. Hourly in fact. As do you.

What does confuse me at times like these though is the stupidity of us all. Many a time over the years I knew of people who woke up after a hard night on the town, reeking of booze, with a filthy hangover. Said drunkard would clutch their head, groan and utter "never again... that's it... I'm never ever drinking again..." Cue a week later and there you have them, knocking back another shot of liver killer with a smile on their face and wreckless abandon in their heart.

I'm as stupid and wreckless as any of the boozers in town this past Saturday. Why? Because so often there are things I say or do that my conscience tells me are wrong. 'Don't do/say/think/behave like that' it says... 'you'll be sorry', 'you'll regret it!' And time after time I end up like that drinker... hopelessly drawn into doing something I know I'm going to plead with God to forgive me for... again.

'The temptation is too much'. 'I can't resist it'. 'It won't hurt just the once'. 'It's a bit naughty, but I'm only human'. Sound familiar? I'm sure there's plenty of excuses that could be added to that list. But they're all feeble excuses and don't stand up. So picture this:

Imagine eating a spoonful of vomit. Your own. Imagine the bitter, acidic slime. The smell and taste deep in the back of your nasal cavity. The heat of the juices and the sticky, yet watery texture of the liquid and the soft partly digested chunks of meat and vegetables. Imagine the sickening heave as you close your mouth and swallow. Horrible yes? Ok now consider this.

Your sin (and mine) is far more vile and disgusting than that spoonful of sick. Yet if you picture the sick as sin which you've been purged of. Poison that is forced up and out of you in a painful, yet necessary action of rejection by the stomach of the soul. Why would you gladly spoon it back in?

Would you sit and watch someone eat a bowl of their own vomit? Would you want to stop them? Would you even contemplate eating it yourself? Or would the thought itself make you want to vomit some more?

We should view our sin as such a vile substance as this. We should turn our noses up at it every time, but we don't because we're stupid. Just like the Saturday night binge drinker. We validate and accept our sins as being part of us without resisting enough. Sure we'll slip and stumble, we have sinful natures every man has. But we can resist... I wish I could remember the verse about God not allowing us to experience a temptation we couldn't resist. You know the one?

I hate it when I behave like that dog, lapping up its own sick before its even cold. I'll be praying this week and for a long time to come that I see my vomit/sin for what it is... then carry on my way, leaving it far behind.

Further prayer

I listened to a Dr Joel Beeke sermon on the way home today entitled 'John Calvin on intimate prayer' and of course my last blog came to mind. I had never intended my previous post to be anything like a definitive guide to prayer of course, but listening to Dr Beeke I did ponder the amazing depth that exists within prayer and realised that I have barely scratched the surface of the relationship I have with our Lord and Saviour.

One of the things that Dr Beeke mentioned was about how easy it is for our prayers to become dry and repetitive and different ways in which he goes about refreshing his prayer life, both of which I have done myself. One is to use a prayer book, the other is to use scripture. My brother sent me a copy of a prayer book entitled 'The Valley of Vision' following my baptism and it has been a great encouragement and a 'starter for 10 ' (as he described it). It really is a wonderful book and I would wholeheartedly recommend you get a copy if you don't have one. Valley of Vision by Banner of Truth

The other way in which Dr Beeke suggested one could revive our prayer is through reading/using scripture. He gave the following analogy (excuse the paraphrase). He commented on a book (it may have been notes or even prayers, I'm afraid I can't remember... it isn't that important to the story) that had been found by a friend of his father, that had been written by his father. Dr Beeke's father had passed into Glory some time before. He was handed the book and gazed at the words, recognizing his father's handwriting. The friend asked if he'd like to have it, to which he replied "of course!" Later reading his father's words he became conscious of how proud and happy his father would have been to see and hear him studying the words he had written himself. How much joy and pleasure his father would've got from having his own written word read back to him.

Well there in istself is the justification for using God's word in one's prayers. God would surely delight in hearing any one of his children reading to him, or better yet memorising and repeating His word in prayer.

Anyway, here's a link to the sermon - don't take my word for it, take Dr Beeke's or John Calvin's... or maybe more specifically, God's. Click the title below for a sermonaudio.com link
Calvin on Intimate prayer

Prayer... how do you do it?

Prayer - why do you pray? What do you pray for? What are you actually doing?

These questions and more are ones I have asked myself recently. It is easy to make prayer a 'shopping list' of requests for God's intervention in worldly matters and I am often conscious that I am asking so much while giving so little in return. But that's the thing isn't it?

I realised this week that the power of prayer lies not in the act of prayer itself, the power lies with God and His will, nowhere else. Prayer is the vehicle through which we see glimpses of God's grace. I say this because driving home I felt a guilt at forgetting to pray about an issue I had previously noted... the insinuation my subconscious was trying to impress was that if I didn't pray then God wouldn't know what to do... what a fool I am!

Praying is an act of faith which God delights in. It is an act of faith on our part everytime. It is us saying "show me, guide me/them, help me/them, encourage me/them." because we realise we need and crave His intervention at every turn.

It is of course much more than that also. It is praise, thanks, penitance, obedience, reconciliation and hope amongst I'm sure many, many other things. But whatever the context prayer is an incredible act and while it can be so formalised and reverential it is also the most informal, personal conversation you can ever have.

There are suggestions in the bible that prayer changes God's mind on certain issues. The problem I have with this being that an omniscient God would know that His mind was going to change. Ergo: it isn't a change of mind for God, but in our terms it would appear to be so... my brain aches just thinking about it!

Anyway I have considered my own prayer life this week and would encourage everyone to do likewise. It's not a shopping list is it? It's a chance to kneel at the throne of Grace and have a conversation with the Lord God Almighty, the Creator, your Saviour and the best friend you will ever have.

Propitiation, what a word.

Propitiation... an incredible word if you're a Christian.

"At all costs, whatever it may mean to us, we must hold onto this word. Propitiation through faith in His blood."
D M Lloyd-Jones (Expository notes on Romans)


Wayne Grudem's Systematic Theology words it like this (referencing Romans 3:25 KJV/NKJV/ESV/NASB) - "...tells us that God put forward Christ as a 'propitiation' a word that means "a sacrifice that bears God's wrath to the end and in doing so changes God's wrath toward us into favour."


Herman Hoeksema, when talking of God's wrath in 'Righteous by Faith Alone' explained God's wrath as a 'righteous anger' and perhaps more easily understandable (to me in my paraphrasing) is a 'Holy NO' to sin... God will not have sin in His sight and rejects it utterly with this mighty, unchangeable "NO!"


*disclaimer - my theology is fragile and in its infancy so forgive any errors. The reasons for making the point over the vitality of the word 'propitiation' I hope will become clear.*


The point I am trying to make is that the word propitiation describes how in legal terms God's wrath MUST be appeased and this tariff or sentence that has to be handed out to sin must happen. Without saving grace this death sentence of God's wrath would fall on us sinners. But through delivering Jesus as a propitiatory sacrifice, the sentence, the tariff of the weight of that sin is borne by Jesus. He bears God's wrath, His awesome 'NO' for us.


No other word can substitute for this. Some versions lamely try to substitute it with 'atoning sacrifice' and/or 'expiation', but neither word measures up. Yes there was atonement and yes our sins are 'wiped away' in expiation, but neither is an adequate substitute for propitiation.


The Welsh words 'hwyl' or 'hiraeth' have, apparently, no direct translation into English. Even a sentence to explain them does not adequately describe the depth of feeling and emotion these words supposedly invoke in a true man of the vales. When speaking to a Welsh thoroughbred he will purse his lips and nod vigorously, perhaps even slapping your shoulder and fixing you with a knowing eye when you utter such words.


We frequently use phrases in everyday speech that suggest the lack of effective translation of certain words so you will frequently hear such phrases as 'faux pas' or 'vice versa'. Yes you can describe them, but they don't always do the phrase justice.

In my limited theological knowledge I am already surprised, nay shocked even that such looseness can occur in translating God's word. Propitiation is a key word in the Christian's vocabulary... if not in actual spoken word, then certainly in understanding. How, how, how, how, how it can be omitted completely from the NIV and other versions is a burgeoning mystery to me.


When I read about it and understood it I was awestruck and it made me realise afresh the gravity of exactly what has been done for us at the cross. Remind yourself of what the word means then compare these verses in various versions. It may surprise and even shock you to see the variety of language used for such important sections of scripture.

Romans 3:25
1 John 2:2
1 John 4:10
Hebrews 2:17

As a closing, contrasting comment. I enjoyed singing 'And can it be' in Church recently. My favourite verse being:

.

Long my imprisoned spirit lay

Fast bound in sin and nature's night;

Thine eye diffused a quickening ray,

I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;

My chains fell off, my heart was free,

I rose, went forth, and followed thee.

.

Gotta let rip with those last 2 lines! Amen.

Music vs Sermons

Too much music and not enough sermons, that sums up this week's drive time to and from work... I have to admit to indulging in some heavyweight steering wheel thumping and head nodding to Creedence Clearwater Revival's 'Fortunate Son' as well as some Gospel favourites.

.

There is a sense of irony in Creedence's title, as being an adopted son in the family of Christ I truly am fortunate! Funnily enough I've just had a quick browse through my playlists to see what else I've been listening to and come across Embrace's 'Glorious day' and Coldplay's 'God put a smile upon your face'. Strange but true. Or maybe not strange, but strangely true.

.

Anyway, as usual I have erred from my point... which I have yet to make. Following yesterday's excessively vocal tribute to Grampa's fave 'How Great Thou Art' I threw myself into the sightly more contemporary realms of Stuart Townsend (though my ipod informs me it is 'Townend'?!??!) and 'In Christ Alone'. I have to admit to balking slightly at some contemporary Christian music. I find it sometimes tries to contrive emotion in its presentation and performance rather than let the words speak for themselves. I don't get teary eyed at a guy with a beard strumming a guitar passionately (at least not for the right reasons). However, the doctrinal truth and well worded description of saving grace of some hymns and choruses does punch certain emotions straight in the face. Mr Town(s)end does this oh so well with 'In Christ Alone'. I apologise if it isn't of his writing and apologise if it is... and I didn't know. Here's why I like it so much:

.

In Christ alone my hope is found,

He is my light, my strength, my song;

this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,

firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

What heights of love, what depths of peace,

when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!

My Comforter, my All in All,

here in the love of Christ I stand.

.

.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh

Fullness of God in helpless babe!

This gift of love and righteousness

Scorned by the ones he came to save:

Till on that cross as Jesus died,

The wrath of God was satisfied -

For every sin on Him was laid;

Here in the death of Christ I live.

.

.

There in the ground His body lay

Light of the world by darkness slain:

Then bursting forth in glorious Day

Up from the grave he rose again!

And as He stands in victory

Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,

For I am His and He is mine -

Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

.

.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,

This is the power of Christ in me;

From life's first cry to final breath.

Jesus commands my destiny.

No power of hell, no scheme of man,

Can ever pluck me from His hand;

Till He returns or calls me home,

Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

.

.

Well there you go. A huge overhand right straight in the emotional and spiritual kisser. Read it and weep as they say... literally.

Then sings my soul...

I have a wide and varied selection of music on my ipod and am fortunate enough to be able to plug it in to the stereo in my car (The Red Dragon). Consequently there are many unfortunates who get to see me every morning mouthing along to my latest download or old favourite (currently 'Louie Louie' by Toots and the Maytals). They may often see me also mouthing loud 'Amens' to sermons downloaded from www.sermonaudio.com - I'm on a Ken Ham and John Whitcomb creation trip at the moment. I digress... back to my point.


Today on my way to and from work I recalled singing 'How Great Thou Art' at my Grampa's funeral back in 2008 and had a quick shuffle on the ipod to see if I had it... sure enough I did. Well... 40 miles, several recitations and a sore throat later I had had ample time to consider it's wonderful wording... more wonderful when you consider it that its original version was written by a Mr Carl Gustaf Boberg (1859 - 1940) in Swedish as a poem. It was later translated into German, then a Russian publication of the German text was released. From that Mr Stuart K Hine translated the first 3 verses of the Russian version into English while working as a missionary in the Ukraine. And now we have what I heard the Candolir Male Voice Choir sing (with what sounded like some help from Big Bryn Terfyl) today!

O Lord my God,

When I in awesome wonder,

Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;

I see the stars,

I hear the rolling thunder,

Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

.

Then sings my soul,

My Saviour God, to Thee,

How great Thou art,

How great Thou art.

Then sings my soul,

My Saviour God, to Thee,

How great Thou art,

How great Thou art!

.

And when I think, that God,

His Son not sparing;

Sent Him to die,

I scarce can take it in;

That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing,

He bled and died to take away my sin.

.

When Christ shall come,

with shout of acclamation,

And take me home,

what joy shall fill my heart.

Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,

And then proclaim:

"My God, how great Thou art!"

.

.

If you're a Christian and those words don't do something for you, you need a slap round the bonce with a hefty leather bound pulpit bible (KJV naturally). The bit that stirs me every time I listened was 'And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.' What words! As I heard a wonderful Welsh(is-cised... not born unfortunately) preacher once say with an enthused look on his face to the congregation at a west Wales church "We're marching to Zion!... isn't that wonderful?!"

I think so. Do you?

Take a spade and look at it. What is it?

'A spade' I hear you say. Correct. A spade is indeed a spade.

Cover said spade in glitter and tinsel and ribbons and what does it become?

Nothing, it is still a spade. Its reason is to dig, to shift earth. The principle purpose of the spade is not changed one bit and cannot, its spade-iness is unaltered.

But... with the pretty alterations and distracting shiny-ness is the spade perceived as the earth moving tool it is intended? Or does it instead become a trinket? A centre piece to be admired and awed by, but not picked up and used?
The decorations of the spade do no harm but they do rather detract from the gritty and real purpose of it turning over the soil.

Apply this analogy to the gospel. The wonderful truth of the saving grace of God and His sacrifice of His son the Lord Jesus Christ needs no window dressing does it? So why do we do it?.. for God? Or for us? Food for thought methinks...

Romans 1: 16 "For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek."


As a secular side dish here are some songs you may like that you've not necessarily heard, I like 'em:

• 'Eyes' by Rogue Wave - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xTzMjBpxGE
• 'Country boy can survive' by Hank Williams Jr - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4s0nzsU1Wg
• 'Emily' by Stephen Fretwell - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kckYgfBeU_E
• 'One' by Johnny Cash - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQBrn6trEwI
• 'Umbrella' remix by Coffey Anderson - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vE57VcA8E_M
• 'Please please please let me get what I want' by Clayhill - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZCYfy7T6Y4

Coffey Anderson is a bit tooooo much for me, but he's got a great voice and the words are lovely.

So here is post number one.
Well, technically not, but it is... but it's not... I'm sounding all Jeremy Clarkson now.
What I mean t say is - this isn't my first time blogging. I write a diary for a Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) website also and have done so for about a year and a half now, it's been updated some 35 to 40 times so I'm certainly no noob. So why double up? Well I have recently pondered a second blog for these reasons:

1. I have a lot to say.
2. I keep a journal of my thoughts and bible study notes which I often share with my girlfriend and family... I'd like to share it with many more people.
3. I enjoy writing my MMA blog and will continue to do so, but it's hardly the place for personal musings over Dr Martin Lloyd Jones's commentary on Romans.
4. I have a lot to say.
5. I take a great deal of encouragement from reading other Christians' online experiences and feelings that mirror my own... I'm hoping this may return that favour.
6. I have a... oh you get the point!

I became a Christian in April 2009, or rather that is when I understood what God was doing in my life and consciously and openly made a commitment to the Lord. A lot of things had happened in the year leading up to my conversion, which as no doubt later blogs will reveal were dramatic in part and disturbingly samey same as anyone else's life in others.

I moan a lot, so don't say I didn't warn you. My job, money, injures, diet and food, family (only sometimes!), jobs and DIY at home, bad films, overcooked steak, blunt pencils, bad coffee and shortage of Ben and Jerry's in Sainsburys all get me griping, whinging, backbiting.... moaning!

I also like to quote, so get used to" and ". I seem to punctuate sentences with rows of full stops... they are meant to indicate dramatic... pauses... get it?

I often paraphrase and I love using analogies... you know... like when you do this and it's like that, but it isn't that, but if you can pretend it is that, then I can explain why the point I'm making can be simply understood by using that context... got it? No? Let me give you an analogy then...

I also think I'm funny, but that I ain't. I laugh at myself, other people just laugh at me laughing at myself. What they say inwardly would no doubt bother me if I stopped laughing long enough to realise that was what was happening. In the instances I have realised this everyone has walked off and left me, so I have no need for embarrassment. I keep myself amused at least.

Anyway, I'm wandering from the point. I am no minister, preacher or evangelist and make no pretensions to be one. Everything I say is my own take, thought or opinion. Granted it's often the case that I quote, but I am conscious that I am exceptionally fallible and prone to error. If I ever offend or misquote I apologise in advance and will stand corrected with well informed, polite and constructive criticism.

Anyway I'll start (and finish) by quoting Paul in his second letter to the Corinthians. I had had a very busy, long and testing week at work and talking to my girlfriend on the phone I was conscious that she too had had a rather difficult and testing time of things in the last couple of weeks. After the phone call I rolled over and picked up my bible and did something I think everyone has done at least once. I stuck my finger near the middle at random, ran my finger up and down and said 'stop', then chose the right hand page. Not the best way to study the bible I'm sure you'll agree, but the paragraph I read was this:

2 Corinthians 11: 23 - 29
23Are they servants of Christ? (I am out of my mind to talk like this.) I am more. I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. 24Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. 25Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, 26I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. 27I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. 28Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. 29Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?

Simply put - my week quickly came into perspective and I chuckled at myself for ever having considered myself unfortunate or hard pushed. Easy life. I have an easy life.


"I called out to the Lord, out of my distress, an He answered me; out of the belly of Sheol I cried, and you heard my voice... Salvation belongs to the Lord."
(Prayer of Jonah - Jonah 2:1-10)