The context, in case you are confused, is 'which food would win in a fight?' and is based around a bout arranged between contenders for the top 'Friday night favourite' spot. Feel free to suggest your own match ups...
UFC 96 (Ultimate Food Championships)
MGM Grand Garden Arena, Las Vegas
Undercard:
Phileas Fogg Tortillas (Salsa with Mexican Chilli flavour) vs Glass of watery church orange squash
The old campaigner, watery squash made a lethargic return to the cage in this old stager vs enfant terrible. PF Tortillas has been tearing up the opposition in some fiery and brutal encounters leading up to this match up. Tortilla’s thorough demolition of a pack of Jaffa Cakes and a frighteningly harsh beatdown of Cheese Wotsits made this an uphill struggle for the old head Church Squash.
Squash started well though, using the tried and tested method of choking by powdery residue and regular visits to the toilets at the far end of the damp dark corridor out the back. Tortilla was though inexorable. Brushing off the watery Squash’s limp and lukewarm attacks Tortilla began to fire. A devastating hint of chipotle chilli combined with salty moreishness turned the contest Tortilla’s way and the finishing power of paprika aftertaste and jalapeno flakes made this an essentially one sided and unnecessary match up. PF Tortilla will no doubt move on to bigger, tougher competition and rumours abound that a possible pairing with Doritos Cool Original are promising. Watery Squash will need to review it’s involvement in such contests it is sad to see such an old favourite try and battle on in this day and age.
Main Event:
Ben and Jerry’s Choc Fudge Brownie Ice Cream vs Ben and Jerry’s Half Baked Ice Cream
Former stable mates at the famous Ben and Jerry’s camp led to much speculation about how this match up would pan out. Many felt that it was a senseless pairing and that there would be nothing to separate the two. Indeed, the delicious and tempting chunks of chocolate in a perfectly blended mix of vanilla and chocolate ice cream is a trait shared by both contestants.
Fudge Brownie came out strongly with some superbly sticky chunks of chocolatey loveliness. This was swiftly followed by a huge and damaging dose of sugar rush. Half baked responded well and threw down with its own mouth-wateringly tempting pieces of cookie dough. The heavy chunky pieces of dough combined with the vast array of chocolate chips saw the contest turn in Half Baked’s flavour.... er... favour. Fudge Brownie responded with a hefty double combo of choc within choc action, but it was to be Half Baked’s day. A finely balanced and solid mix of vanilla and choc proved too strong for Fudge Brownie and the contest came to a close with KO finish from the lingering aftertaste. So as champ Half Baked faces the prospect of a difficult contest with the winner of Mango Berry Swirl vs Cookies and Cream, a match up as intriguing as this one.
Clearly, I had too much time on my hands that day!
yeah but the undisputed friday night snack world champion and clear p4p winner is obviously Ben and Jerry's Phish Food. No one can stand up to that vicious overhand combo of toffee and marshmellow right mixed with the chunky chocolate fish and choc icecream.
ReplyDeleteThe Wap
Having recently discovered the brutal white chocolate bears in 'Baked Alaska' and its smothering marshmallow/vanilla 1-2 combo I think we'd have to disagree.
ReplyDeleteAsk yourself this... who wins in a tear up between Phish and Polar Bears?... and don't come the big 'un with the toffee blend... toffee's for old people.
Phish food may hold its own in the lightweight division, but Baked Alaska is a true big hitter with its XXXL vanilla-ry paws. An ice cream heavyweight indeed.