Ultimate Food Championships

Browsing through some old files on my laptop I came across a mock up fight report of favourite foodstuffs written as a challenge. The challenge arose after a peculiar phone conversation with my girlfriend, Katie about the best 'Friday night film/TV snacks'. It has nothing at all to do with theology at all, but I thought you might enjoy it.

The context, in case you are confused, is 'which food would win in a fight?' and is based around a bout arranged between contenders for the top 'Friday night favourite' spot. Feel free to suggest your own match ups...

UFC 96 (Ultimate Food Championships)

MGM Grand Garden Arena, Las Vegas

Undercard:

Phileas Fogg Tortillas (Salsa with Mexican Chilli flavour) vs Glass of watery church orange squash

The old campaigner, watery squash made a lethargic return to the cage in this old stager vs enfant terrible. PF Tortillas has been tearing up the opposition in some fiery and brutal encounters leading up to this match up. Tortilla’s thorough demolition of a pack of Jaffa Cakes and a frighteningly harsh beatdown of Cheese Wotsits made this an uphill struggle for the old head Church Squash.

Squash started well though, using the tried and tested method of choking by powdery residue and regular visits to the toilets at the far end of the damp dark corridor out the back. Tortilla was though inexorable. Brushing off the watery Squash’s limp and lukewarm attacks Tortilla began to fire. A devastating hint of chipotle chilli combined with salty moreishness turned the contest Tortilla’s way and the finishing power of paprika aftertaste and jalapeno flakes made this an essentially one sided and unnecessary match up. PF Tortilla will no doubt move on to bigger, tougher competition and rumours abound that a possible pairing with Doritos Cool Original are promising. Watery Squash will need to review it’s involvement in such contests it is sad to see such an old favourite try and battle on in this day and age.

Main Event:


Ben and Jerry’s Choc Fudge Brownie Ice Cream vs Ben and Jerry’s Half Baked Ice Cream

Former stable mates at the famous Ben and Jerry’s camp led to much speculation about how this match up would pan out. Many felt that it was a senseless pairing and that there would be nothing to separate the two. Indeed, the delicious and tempting chunks of chocolate in a perfectly blended mix of vanilla and chocolate ice cream is a trait shared by both contestants.

Fudge Brownie came out strongly with some superbly sticky chunks of chocolatey loveliness. This was swiftly followed by a huge and damaging dose of sugar rush. Half baked responded well and threw down with its own mouth-wateringly tempting pieces of cookie dough. The heavy chunky pieces of dough combined with the vast array of chocolate chips saw the contest turn in Half Baked’s flavour.... er... favour. Fudge Brownie responded with a hefty double combo of choc within choc action, but it was to be Half Baked’s day. A finely balanced and solid mix of vanilla and choc proved too strong for Fudge Brownie and the contest came to a close with KO finish from the lingering aftertaste. So as champ Half Baked faces the prospect of a difficult contest with the winner of Mango Berry Swirl vs Cookies and Cream, a match up as intriguing as this one.

Clearly, I had too much time on my hands that day!

Christians should smile more... shouldn't they?

I had a blindingly good idea for a blog the other day... well about 2 weeks ago in fact, so the idea has faded somewhat so excuse me if I don't paint as vivid a picture as was scorching through my mind at the time.

Following a link sent to me by 'The Wap' I saw/listened to this cover of Massive Attack's song 'Teardrop' by a chap called Newton Faulkner. I'm not a big fan of the original, but am a sucker for a good voice and a guitar... it is neat, simple and unflowery. A bit like me... minus the neat.

Anyway I liked the cover and had a quick itunes browse for some of his other stuff and eventually just downloaded a whole album. One song on the album is entitled 'People should smile more'.

As I drove along tippy tapping the steering wheel and singing out of tune I pondered exactly this. I'm justified, saved by grace, loved and cherished by an all sufficient, omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, eternal, sovreign, almighty God. His son died in my place and I have been granted by undeserved merit all the treasures that heaven and eternal life offer me. What's not to beam about?

The following Sunday the preacher (sorry the exact sermon is lost in the fog of my memory now!) spoke about the fact that as the wretched men we are, sinners of the darkest hue, we have no moral right to be happy.

Boom!

That dropped my 'smiling' on its head and stole its pocket money alright. Fortunately the point of the sermon was hardly to shoot my happiness down in flames, but rather to highlight the pervasive attitude that Christians should walk around with 'Colgate' grins and a chirpy countenence 24/7. This clearly is not true.

Faithful Christians should, in their self reflection often come to an stark awareness of the depth and depravity of their own sin... and of that around them. They should mourn this, grieve for their sinful mind, heart, lusts, actions and words -

"Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted." (Matthew 5:4 KJV)

But does this mean we cannot smile as Christians? Of course not. In fact the ironic thing is that our smiles should spread broader when we consider why we are smiling in the first place. We are saved from our sins. Those sins that grieve and hurt us, that black cloud of rebellion and hurt that plagued us as unregenerate people... they're gone!

So in those dark moments of distress, when we are at our lowest ebb, surely nothing should lift us more than the realisation that all that troubles us, all that hinders and pains us is paid for.

The debt is paid!

The curse lifted!

Our chains are fallen off, our hearts set free!

Surely in that black, dark dungeon His quickening ray should make our personal dungeon of sin flame with light... and dare I say it?

Smile.

Smile and let Him comfort you. Smile with tears in your eyes. Smile with utter relief. Smile at the thought of a love that can never be broken and never waivers.

So yes... Christians should smile more.

Chronicles of Wap

My brother-in-law has started a blog, prompted it seems by my brother's and mine. You can read it here.

'The Wap' is something of a confrontational character and enjoys a good debate... as I do... as does my brother. This is clearly all done in a good, fair minded and Christian manner... some of the time.

It must be quite interesting at times to watch and listen to us. Wise old bro listens and the makes significant and non judgemental comments, I attack and apply irritating cold logic (if that's what it says, that's what it means!), the Wap defends his corner no matter what. Even if behind his eyes he sometimes concedes a point, he never lets on.

I'm digressing slightly cos the point I was going to make about these 'debates' is that they wind my sister up something rotten. Quote: (when sitting down to lunch last weekend) "If you're going to carry on talking about that (election) I'm going in the other room!" Both the Wap and I glanced at each other, grinned and carried on talking... but only to wind up my sister. In truth no more was mentioned about Ephesians, predestination or limited atonement... sorry I mean particular redemption.

Healthy theological and doctrinal debate, even argument is helpful. It affirms and strengthens your own understanding of biblical 'grey' areas in a way reading alone cannot. However, there is most definitely a time and a place, often the topic of debate can dictate this. Listening to the immovable object argue with the irresistible force over an issue that has separated the church for so long is not really great for the digestion. My sister has my sympathy.

I read my brother's blog and my brother in laws, but have not necessarily agreed with everything they have written. As, I am sure they would say about mine. Differences of opinion are inevitable.

I am the sort of person that likes to pound people with my point (see Mother, I do know I do it!), until they submit, pass out, cry or run away. Doing this with a theological/doctrinal opinion is utterly wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Telling your brother the truth is right. Telling him in such a way that he can fully appreciate why you're saying what you are is right. Picking your opinion up and clubbing your brother around the head with it until he is semi conscious is not right.

Discretion, respect and Christian brotherly love are right. As is knowing when one should agree to disagree.

So let's raise a glass to healthy debate... as long as it's non alcoholic... should Christians drink?... Why shouldn't they?... here we go again!



I was right though :)

Cool

While browsing Matt Bownds' blog dunamis. I came across a link to Ray Ortlund's blog. He'd written this blog on 'cool' which I thought was great.

Thought I'd share it with you.